Wednesday, February 15, 2012
On February 15, 2007 the good Lord decided it was time for my dad's suffering to be over. After many years of drug and alcohol abuse he damaged his liver to the point of needing a transplant. Years before all of this he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior! He had been saved for about 18+ years to my knowledge and during that time he was a walking testimony of God's mercy and grace. Anyone who would listen, heard his testimony. He was a blessing to so many people! I didn't always feel this way.....
Unfortunately he was absent when I was a child and into my adult years because He made the choice to put drugs and alcohol above being a daddy. When he did come around I avoided looking him in the eyes because I was so angry at him for being absent. I chose to not honor him because I felt he did not deserve it after all he had done or didn't do as a father. I held a grudge and justified it because of his sin.
Years later when I was about 28, I got a call that my dad was in the hospital and the Dr's didn't know if he would make it through. Honestly, I DID NOT CARE! I had a heart of stone when it came to him. I believed that if I kept him at a distance, it would hurt him. And if I didn't let him close to me, he couldn't hurt me any longer.
When I got that call, I had just given my life to the Lord, so the Holy Spirit quickened my spirit.."Have you honored your parents? Have you obeyed your parents?" I was immediately convicted and yet offended at the same time. I cried out to God telling Him why I didn't honor my dad. I said, "He doesn't deserve honor! He has never been in my life really for me to obey and respect him. Why should I when he hasn't earned it! Why should I love someone who doesn't acknowledge me?"
The Lord said, "Because it is my command..I don't give you a command for you to follow only when you feel like it or have reason to. If you love Me you will keep my commands (John 14:15). Again, the Spirit of the Lord spoke, this time penetrating my soul! I decided to listen, which means hearing and then obeying, and go see my dad in the hospital and ask him for forgiveness.
When I was little, my dad being high and drunk, looked at me and said, "You can't be mine, you have blond hair and blue eyes." Those were the most crushing words I ever heard. From that day on, I searched for "my daddy's" eyes. My momma had the most beautiful brown eyes and so did my oldest brother. So my whole life I figured my dad had brown eyes too.
A beautiful and amazing thing happened that day I walked into my daddy's hospital room! For the first time, since I was about five years old, I looked into my daddy's eyes. To my surprise his eyes were the same as mine!
When I looked into my daddy's eyes that day, I saw the most beautiful blue eyes! Eyes that were filled with the love of Jesus! Eyes of compassion! Eyes that were remorseful for the words he had once spoke to me...We both teared up as I bent over to give him a hug. Through the tears, I whispered, "I am so sorry". He said, "I am the one who is sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for." And the healing began!
For more than five years, my daddy and I became extremely close..we talked for hours on the phone about Jesus and all He had done..we spent time together on special occasions and just got to know eachother.
If it wasn't for Christ coming into our lives, we would have never been able to do this and I would have never seen the resemblence...We both have our Daddy's eyes, our Heavenly Daddy that is: )